Using the Past for Inspiration in the Future

I believe that we are all looking for inspiration in our lives. I also believe that inspiration is always with us if we are on the lookout for those moments that will help us move forward and attain our personal happiness and goals.

In my quest to “look good naked” I am hyper aware of those things that inspire me.

This week I was given the gift of witnessing my parents being uplifted by their own positive actions from almost fifty years ago.

My dad is eighty-two and my mom is seventy-six. The last few years have been a struggle as dad has balanced diabetes, a slow growing prostate cancer, major heart surgery to replace a leaky valve and a recent diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease.

At the same time mom, who has a family history of Alzheimer’s and dementia, has been diagnosed with “mild cognitive impairment”. She has taken direct action to minimize the risk of any further decline but bouts with depression and anxiety, along with her concern for dad make life complicated and tough.

One of the things that helps both of them is to look at pictures and articles from the past. Dad has done a magnificent job in chronicling their life together by compiling articles and mementos into detailed scrap books that cover the entire fifty-eight years of their marriage and beyond.

A few months ago dad called me and my sisters and asked us to write down our memories of our summer visits with Evelyn Vidal (now Rella) who came to Maine each summer, from the age of eight, through the Fresh Air Fund.

My first reaction to dad was “Why don’t we have Evelyn write her thoughts about her experiences in Maine with the Bonseys?” So I picked up the phone and gave Evelyn a call. I knew from the excitement and vibrancy in her voice that my phone call was going to lead to something good and powerful.

Her first reaction was to invite us to her house to visit. I loved the idea but I also knew that traveling from Surry, Maine to New York City was going to be a major task for mom and dad. I decided to go for it and I gave the trip to my parents as a Christmas gift. After a few moments of hesitation my parents committed and we planned the trip so that my sister Lynn, who is a teacher, could join us on the excursion.

Lynn brought my parents from Surry to Kennebunkport and then we left the next morning for NYC. My youngest son, Sam, also road with us to NYC to get a bus that would take him to visit his mom. He won’t soon forget a ride that was full of laughter and stories that he had never heard before.

It is amazing how being with people you love, telling stories and laughing can energize you. It is sort of intoxicating. Dad got so “into it” that he even told us the story from his navy days after WWII when he was in Trinidad and how an overweight, toothless hooker walked right up to him, grabbed his crotch and said “Come with me big boy!”

When we got the NYC we dropped Sam off to catch his bus, checked into our hotel on Staten Island and after a nice nap, headed to Evelyn’s home in Matawan, New Jersey.

We pulled up to her beautiful house and slowly helped dad from the car and shuffled up her steps. We rang the doorbell and it seemed to take forever for Evelyn to come to door. Finally the door flew open and there stood Evelyn with her beautiful smile and spirited personality. She was so excited and emotional and she gave us all hugs as we all shed tears of joy.

We went to dinner that night with Evelyn and her wonderful husband, Dennis. We heard all about her life and how important our family and spending time in Maine had been to her.

This part was especially important for my mom. It was mom’s idea to participate in the Fresh Air Fund. Evelyn told the story of arriving on a Grey Hound bus, as and eight year old, seeing my sister Lynn with her long blonde pigtails and knowing that we were her family. Mom immediately took Evelyn grocery shopping for the things that she liked and, of course, my sister Lynn complained that mom never did that for her. Some things never change.

As Evelyn told story after story of how my mother’s actions, during her visits for the next seven years, had a powerful positive impact on her entire life I could see my mom becoming more relaxed, confident and happy.

We spent the next day with Evelyn, having lunch, going to Museum of Natural History and having dinner with Dennis and Evelyn’s daughter Dawn and son-in law Nick.

I can’t relate all the stories and the amount of laughter that we experienced in our time with Evelyn. She is a remarkable woman with a wonderful family who used many of the skills that my parents were able to impart on her to build a terrific life for herself.

The trip also helped me to see how much my parents are dealing with on a day to day basis. Dad can barely walk (We used a wheelchair to get him around NYC and yes, I did pop a few wheelies with him in the chair!), takes a myriad of pills, has to check his blood sugar and take injections several times a day and understandably gets exhausted easily.

Mom worries about dad and has her own bouts with depression, anxiety and exhaustion.

Through all of those issues they had the strength and courage to take a risk and go on a trip that connected them to who they are, two inspiring people whose lives have had a positive impact on me, my sisters, Evelyn and countless others over the course of their lifetimes.

The energy from this trip will help to propel them forward and help them deal with obstacles along the way. It will also help me move forward and push myself on days when I’m lacking in energy and enthusiasm. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll go jump on the treadmill as I pursue my goal of “looking good naked!”